The Forgiveness Project, From Despair to Understanding, Love & Healing

I have started a Forgiveness Project. I went to The Vigeland Park to ask 6 people from all corners of the world about questions regarding forgiveness, which to me is all about sharing our stories and wisdom that we have all gained in life. Nobody wants to suffer and by forgiveness, we can overcome despair by understanding, find happiness and love. Read more about their answers below.

GraceJiyeKimHove_TiagaNihalKaur_www.mettayoga.net

NimaSalami_TiagaNihalKaur_www.mettayoga.net

Hanne Aardal_TiagaNihalKaur_www.mettayoga.net

I contacted Professor in Philosophy, Espen Gamlund who works at the University of Bergen in Norway and asked him some questions on the topic of forgiveness. Here is what he had to say.

“You have only forgiven when you are no longer angry or carry a grudge against the person who caused you harm.”

picture-7569-1477379946 — **Image borrowed from UIB.no**

What is the definition of forgiveness? The standard definition of forgiveness is that it entails to let go or overcome moral resentment or harm directed towards a perpetrator or someone who has done something morally wrong. This means you have only forgiven when you are no longer angry or carry a grudge against the person who caused you harm. Then it can be discussed whether there are other feelings that are also relevant to forgiveness, such as sorrow, pain, disappointment, and more. It can also be discussed further whether forgiveness requires forgiveness to be conveyed from the harmed to the perpetrator, or whether it is possible to forgive in his heart, without the perpetrator being involved.

How do we forgive an event that has strongly affected us? It is undoubtedly difficult for many to forgive in those cases when we are exposed to serious violations or abuse. One point is that we forgive people and not actions. If the one that caused us damage acts in a way that restores the imbalance, it can make it easier to forgive. For example, a regret or an apology may make the forgiveness process easier because the perpetrator is guilty and expresses that he or she should not have caused us harm. Sometimes, however, regret is not enough simply because the violation was so great that nothing could repair the damage. In such cases, the best thing is to not forgive.

“One point is that we forgive people and not actions.” – Espen Gamlund

“Restoring the balance of the relationship.”

Why should we forgive? There may be several reasons why we should forgive the one that has caused us harm. Justification may be for the purpose of restoring the balance of the relationship with the perpetrator. If your partner is unfaithful to you and you have children together, there are good reasons for you to try to forgive for family reasons. Another reason for forgiveness may be that the perpetrator deserves to be forgiven. If the violation was less serious and the perpetrator does everything he or she can to recover the damage, it may be that you have a duty to forgive for the sake of the perpetrator. A third reason why you should forgive may be for your own sake. If forgiveness is necessary in order for you to live your life after being subjected to an offense, then there may be a reason to forgive.

What effect does forgiveness have on a person? Forgiveness can have a positive effect on the person who is forgiven by the understanding that it is possible to get another chance even if something was done wrong. This can help the person not to repeat the wrong action that was committed. Forgiveness can also have a positive effect on the person who decides to forgive, by making him or she feels better after forgiving. But forgiveness can also have a negative effect both on he or she who forgives and him or her that has been forgiven.

If the injured person is not ready to forgive or is unable to forgive, then it may be counterproductive to forgive. And if the perpetrator does not even believe that he or she has done what he is accused of, then forgiveness is perceived as a burden or an offense, by that the forgiveness signalizes that you have done something wrong, which you don’t agree with.

The Forgiveness Project
Here are my Interviews I got from The Vigeland Park where I asked 6 people from different corners of the world questions about forgiveness, here are their answers.

Hanne Aardal 43 years, Works as a Freelance Journalist from Norway.

How would you define what forgiveness means to you personally? And why is it important to forgive?

For me, to forgive someone does not imply saying “it`s ok what you did to me” or “I accept what happened”, it is more a way of saying: “Let’s put this behind us”. I think it is important to forgive to be able to move on, to avoid being consumed by anger or bitterness. To bring peace to your heart. Easier said than done, of course. And some things are harder to forgive than others.

I also think it is really important to forgive yourself. Many of us are our own worst critics, we beat ourselves up, and judge ourselves for things we would never judge a friend or a loved one for. We all do mistakes, we all say or do things we regret. Yes, we are humans. We do the best we can. So let`s learn from those mistakes and move on. I think some of the most important tools we can give our children is to apologize – and to forgive.

What have you forgiven in your life?

I have had to forgive certain things that happened at school when I was a kid, and at work as a grown-up, for example. But the hardest thing is to forgive me. I can be very harsh with myself – so even that I have to try to forgive. I say to myself: “I love and forgive myself, even if I don`t love and forgive myself”. There is much comfort in that little sentence. A spiritual teacher gave it to me. Maybe some of the readers will find it useful too?